


The Ballad of Marius' Bum

by truethingsproved



Series: Talk revolution to me, baby. [3]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Multi, PURE CUTE, cosette is the greatest, grantaire has a cat named cat, my babies augh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truethingsproved/pseuds/truethingsproved
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Is there a particular reason you act like I’m a hungry shark every time you’re around me?” she asks, sounding wildly curious, and Marius flushes a really endearing shade of pink.</p><p>“So, are you and Enjolras a thing?” he asks, almost as if he’s challenging her.</p><p>It’s really kind of awful of her to do but she can’t help it and she bursts out laughing, nearly spilling her latte. “God, no, are you kidding? We’d be the worst couple. I’d forget to get toilet paper made from recycled materials once and he’d dump me.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ballad of Marius' Bum

There are a lot of reasons to like Marius Pontmercy.

He’s cute, for starters, with freckles everywhere and hair that’s perpetually messy and big, bright eyes. He’s also really smart—god knows Dr. Valjean talks about it enough. “You should date that Marius boy. He scored a ninety-eight on my exam. He wrote me a fantastic final paper. He actually does his homework.”

(On more than one occasion Cosette has suggested that her father just date him himself, and after a moment’s consideration Dr. Valjean replied that he didn’t think he was Marius’ type.)

Marius is cute and smart and he’s got a huge heart and he’s ridiculously kind. He and Eponine have been friends for ages—it’s how Cosette met him in the first place, through Eponine—and if Eponine thinks someone’s a good person, then they’re definitely a good person. He’s also fairly smitten with Cosette, which, she figures, is usually a good place to start when it comes to the foundations of a relationship.

The only thing is that this kid is absolutely terrible at talking to women.

\------

“He keeps freaking out every time he talks to me.”

“ _It could be worse._ ” There’s a small thump on the other line, and Grantaire’s voice is suddenly far away as he says, “ _Sorry, it’s Cat, hang on._ ” Cosette hears movement, then a pitiful mewling sound, and Grantaire’s voice is in her ear again. “ _That thing is so fucking demanding, I swear. Anyway. At least he’s not leading a shambling horde of the undead to feast on your flesh._ ”

Cosette pauses, considering this, before letting out a small hum of agreement. “Yeah. There’s that.”

“ _What did he do now?_ ”

“Nothing! That’s the thing.” Cosette lets out a small groan of frustration. “He and Eponine went out and he picked Eponine up and he could barely say hi to me. He’s always been kind of shy with me but it’s just gotten worse since the bet.”

“ _I don’t get how he actually thinks you and Enjolras fucked with all of us in the other room,_ ” Grantaire says, and Cosette can practically see the wry grin on his face. “ _Though to be fair, I thought you’d screwed him, too, at first._ ”

“You were reasonable about it, though,” she points out. “Speaking of, how are things with you guys, since he apologized?” There’s silence on the other line that lasts so long Cosette checks to make sure that the call wasn’t dropped. “R? Still there?”

He laughs quietly. “ _Yeah_.”

“Should we not talk about Enjolras?”

“ _Probably not_.”

“Are you sure?”

“ _No._ ” Grantaire is laughing again, and there’s another silence, though this one is much shorter. “ _Speak of the devil. He’s on the other line. Let me call you back?”_

“Yeah, of course. Tell him hey.” She hangs up, then sets her phone down in her lap with a heavy sigh.

She wants Marius to talk to her. She wants Marius to stop acting like she’s going to bite his head off or eat him alive or break him in half. (If he _wants_ her to break him in half, though, she sees no reason not to.) Most importantly, she _really_ wants Marius to kiss her.

Cosette looks at her phone for a moment more before sliding off her bed and picking the phone up. She dials Marius’ number by memory as she makes her way to her mirror, reaching for her eyeliner.

He picks up after the first ring, though he hesitates before speaking. “ _Hello?_ ”

“Marius! Hey, it’s Cosette.” The rest of her makeup will need some touching up, and she needs to do something about her hair, but if Marius isn’t going to actually make a move she’s taking matters into her own hands. “Listen, you free? I have the weirdest urge for a latte.”

\------

 **Cosette:** i’m going out with marius. i think.

 **Grantaire:** how do you think ur going out with marius??

 **Grantaire:** i feel like that’s one of those things you should know.

 **Cosette:** i invited him out for coffee.

 **Grantaire:** ur in the process of going somewhere, it’s out, and marius is tagging along. ur going out with marius.

 **Grantaire:** have fun, chicakdee. don’t do anything i wouldn’t do.

 **Cosette:** that really doesn’t limit me…

 **Grantaire:** i know. ur so lucky you have me.

\------

Musain is closed, and so they head to a Starbucks after swearing to never tell Enjolras under any circumstances. To be fair, the only other option is a Dunkin Donuts, and at least Starbucks is fair trade. Cosette curls up in one of the armchairs in the middle of the shop, waiting for Marius to join her, and when he does, she watches him over the rim of her cup.

She waits.

And waits.

And waits.

Finally she gets bored with blowing at the steam from her latte and sighs. “Is there a particular reason you act like I’m a hungry shark every time you’re around me?” she asks, sounding wildly curious, and Marius flushes a really endearing shade of pink.

“Um.”

“I mean, if I intimidate you, I get it.” Cosette shrugs, taking a sip before wrinkling her nose at the cup. It’s still way too hot to drink, but damn, she needs something between her and Marius and if scalding hot liquid is the only thing she’s got, she’s going to use it.

If it turns out he _is_ about to lead a horde of the shambling undead at her, at least she can use it as a weapon.

“I intimidate a lot of guys. I talk a lot and I talk loudly and I’m not afraid to call people out on being shits. It’s funny; that’s why I get along with your friends,” she adds, with a small, fond snicker.

This makes Marius’ flush deeper and he stares glumly into his coffee. “Yeah,” he mutters. “They’re pretty great.”

Cosette’s eyebrows shoot toward her hairline. “Why do you look like you’re going to cry?”

“I do not!” he protests childishly. “So, are you and Enjolras a thing?” he asks, almost as if he’s challenging her.

It’s really kind of awful of her to do but she can’t help it and she bursts out laughing, nearly spilling her latte. “God, no, are you kidding? We’d be the _worst_ couple. I’d forget to get toilet paper made from recycled materials once and he’d dump me.”

“Cosette—”

“He’d start singing the French national anthem while we were in bed.”

Marius’ blush looks almost painful at this point, and he clears his throat.

“Besides, there would be nowhere to put my hairgel,” she finishes reasonably, taking an almost dainty sip of her coffee.

Her phone vibrates and she fishes it out of her pocket, nearly snorting when she reads the text (it’s from Jehan and reads “Grantaire told me that you and Marius were going out tonight. I’m writing you a poem. What rhymes with ‘your freckly ass’?”). “Is that what you were worried about?” she asks, sliding her phone back into her pocket. “You thought I was with Enjolras?”

“Well, I mean, you slept with him,” Marius points out, stammering a bit and trying to be reasonable, and Cosette snorts again.

“First of all, I didn’t, and second of all, even if I did, that doesn’t mean anything,” she shoots back.

His eyes are huge and suddenly he seems shocked. “You lied to win the bet?”

“Damn straight I did. Enjolras and I split the winnings. Then I felt bad about it and bought you all pizza for, like, two months. I think he donated his.” Cosette sighs and sets her coffee down on the table next to her before leaning forward.

Marius. He smells wonderful, and it feels a little creepy to admit but she really does love the way he smells. It’s one of her favorite things about him. He smells how she imagine sunlight smells—warm, intoxicating, almost like honey. She’s fantasized about doing a lot of things with him but one of her favorites is just burying her face in the curve of his neck and breathing, in and out and in and out, trying to inhale him.

She’s close enough that she could count his eyelashes. They’re long, beautiful, and the lighting is perfect, making them cast slight shadows on his cheekbones. It takes far more effort than she’d planned on having to exert to keep from tracing her fingertips lightly along the outline of his mouth.

“I want you to do me a favor,” she says quietly, and Marius nods, totally helpless. Her hair falls over one shoulder and his fingers twitch as if he wants to comb them through it. Her phone vibrates again but she ignores it—Jehan can wax poetic about Marius’ ass without her help. “I want you to be totally honest with me right now, okay?”

Marius looks a little terrified, but he nods, and she bites her lip before noticing the uncomfortable way he shifts in his chair.

“Are you attracted to me?”

The blush definitely looks painful now but Marius nods, his eyes floating almost without his realizing to rest on Cosette’s lip, reddened by her bite.

“Do you want to start seeing me? Like, regularly?”

There’s a pause, then, another nod, and Cosette’s entire face lights up. Marius seems surprised at the severity of her response, but the corners of his mouth turn upwards as well, and she leans forward just a little bit more.

She wonders if he tastes like sunlight, too.

“So, you like me.” She pushes her hand forward until it slides onto his leg, her fingers interlocking with his where they rest on his knee. “I like you. What do you want to do right now?” He hesitates, looking nervous, and she suggests, “Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes, I do.” God, his voice is almost indecent right now, low and a little husky, and she bites at her lip again to keep herself focused, because the last thing she needs right now is to lose her grasp on the situation.

This time she’s the one pausing, and she says, very softly, “I want you to kiss me.”

His grin is wide enough that she thinks that must hurt more than the blush.

“What’s stopping you?” she asks him, moving closer, close enough that he barely has to move six inches until his mouth is on hers, and she’s so sure he’s going to do it when—

“I just have a hard time thinking of you with them,” he murmurs, and he moves forward to kiss her but she draws back, withdrawing her hand as she does.

Her eyebrows shoot toward her hairline. “I’m sorry, _what?_ ”

“It’s just…” Marius gestures vaguely, looking entirely lost and very much like he wishes he’d kissed Cosette instead of spoken. “I don’t know. It’s weird. I mean, it’s…”

“Did you honestly think I’ve never been interested in someone or slept with someone before?” Cosette asks, sounding a little offended, and he’s about to protest before stopping.

“I thought you said you and Enjolras didn’t sleep together.”

“We didn’t,” Cosette says. “You know how Jehan kisses everyone.”

“Oh, my god,” Marius mutters, and, bless him, he looks about to laugh. “You and Jehan?”

“He was quoting poetry at me!” Well, it had started as poetry, and then they’d been suddenly lacking clothing. “I’m a sucker for poetry. He was reciting ‘She Walks In Beauty’ and next thing I knew my—wait, why am I justifying this? I’m at liberty to sleep with whoever I want.” It wasn’t her fault that Jehan was also exceptionally skilled at cunnilingus.

“Yes, yes, you are, I’m just surprised, that’s all. And irrationally jealous.” Marius looks a little embarrassed to admit this. “But I mean, it was just Jehan, so—”

“No. Grantaire was there too.” That had been one hell of a movie night. Marius pauses, gaping at her a bit, before letting out a very tiny “ _oh_ ” and clearing his throat. “And what, even if it was just Jehan, does that make it more acceptable to you?”

This is wrong, all wrong. Cosette likes Marius. She really, really likes Marius. But if it turns out he’s some asshole who judges people based on their sex lives, she’s going to be so angry. And sad. Not that she’ll admit that.

“Listen, I like you a lot, Marius.”

Her phone vibrates again. Marius is watching her curiously, though, so she ignores it, and suddenly she surges forward.

He’d wanted to kiss her.

When Cosette’s lips land on his it’s with a familiarity and intimacy that you usually don’t achieve until you’ve been with someone for a long time. Marius is surprised, to say the least, and sets his coffee down before reaching up to curl his fingers in her hair. Her eyes flutter closed, and she was right. He does taste like sunlight. After a minute she pulls back, picking up her latte and standing.

He stares after her, somehow even more surprised, and she spreads her arms at her sides. “Just get your shit together, Pontmercy,” she practically growls before walking out of the Starbucks.

\------

This is not Cosette Fauchelevant’s best idea.

For starters, she and Marius drove to Starbucks together, so she can either leave him stranded (which is tempting but a bit crueler than she’s prepared to be) or she can call a cab (which seems too much like something out of one of the countless terrible romantic comedies that Grantaire makes her watch with him). Going back into the coffee shop seems too much like admitting defeat.

Beyond that, it’s snowing. Which, she supposes, she should have realized sooner, considering that it’s January and they live in the Northeast and all, not to mention the fact that there is evidence literally falling from the sky, but it’s been a long day and she’s starting to wish she’d stayed at her dorm and watched Grey’s Anatomy with Grantaire on the phone, like she tends to do.

She leans against the car, figuring that she might as well just wait for Marius to come out so that she can drive him home, but when he does the first thing he does is blurt out an apology.

Oh.

She hadn’t expected this.

“You’re right,” he says, mumbling a bit, and Cosette shakes her head as if to clear her thoughts. “It’s none of my business if you’ve hooked up with any of our friends. And it definitely doesn’t change anything. Like, how I think of you or feel about you. It’s just a surprise, you know? And it shouldn’t be, because you’re gorgeous and the guys aren’t exactly unaware of that.

“But that’s the thing, you know? You’re gorgeous and Jehan’s gorgeous—seriously. I’m waiting for someone to steal him away so he can start filming shampoo commercials—and Grantaire’s apparently rugged and sexy or _whatever_ it is about him that makes everyone lose their shit. And they’re interesting and you’re interesting and I’m kind of boring and so I genuinely don’t see any reason why you’d want me over them. But I am sorry. My own insecurity and complete lack of understanding of how to express them is no excuse to talk to you like that. Intentional or otherwise.

“Also, could you please answer your phone? It’s really loud when it vibrates and it keeps startling me,” he adds, looking a bit chagrined, when the phone vibrates again. She does, her hands clumsier than usual, only to burst out laughing and hold the phone out for Marius to take and examine.

 **Jehan:** Grantaire told me that you and Marius were going out tonight. I’m writing you a poem. What rhymes with ‘your freckly ass’?

 **Jehan:** I'm calling it 'The Ballad of Marius' Bum.'

 **Jehan:** Tell him that all the most beautiful constellations are feeble attempts on the universe’s part to imitate his freckles.

 **Jehan:** Tell him that he graces the sun with his pasty and freckly and ginger presence.

 **Jehan:** Oh, goodness, what if his butt doesn’t actually have freckles? It’ll throw the whole poem off. Be a darling and ask him.

Marius’ shoulders are shaking with laughter, and he’s barely lowered the phone before Cosette is lacing her fingers into his again, smiling almost shyly.

“I don’t want Jehan or Grantaire,” she promises. “I don’t care how ‘interesting’ they are. I want _you._ ”

He finishes typing his response to Jehan (“His backside is positively alabaster and carved from marble”) and hands her the phone again. “I can work with that,” he says quietly, looking immensely relieved and blushing again. She’s coming closer to him again and he rests his hands on her hips just as she winds her arms around his neck.

“Good to know,” she murmurs, and she’s smiling against his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> HAVE I TOLD YOU GUYS HOW GREAT YOU ARE??? One of my readers found me on Tumblr and drew me GRANJOLRAS~
> 
> LOOK AT IT IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND CAT'S THERE TOO
> 
> http://kkpantas.tumblr.com/post/41089335178/i-think-im-drawing-more-au-art-than-i-am-actual
> 
> anyway you are all beautiful and I seriously adore you. This fandom is the greatest and I cannot for the life of me understand why it took me so long to join you. If you make me art I'll probably scream and then spend the next few days telling everyone I know how great you are (trufax).
> 
> This has been so much fun to write and I really hope you'll all want to keep me. c: and yes, there will be more E/R. Promise.


End file.
